They set out together to find the “Home of their Dreams”.
After the initial getting finances together, deciding on what they want versus what they need, where they should live and how much they feel comfortable spending, the journey to find the right home begins.
Home after home we view house after house, eliminating, but learning about their likes and dislikes, until suddenly the moment of joy takes over. After a thorough visual evaluation of one house, the husband turns to me and says:
“This is the one! Lets make an offer!”
The wife is silent.
She glares a confused starry look as if she didn’t know if she wants to clobber him with her purse or simply disown him. They look at each other and he says “What?!” I like it because….Blah Blah Blah
They both realize that they are not on the same page, and regardless of how well we have gotten to know each other, I suddenly feel that it may be time to give them some space to talk.
The verdict: “He’s crazy” / “She doesn’t see the potential” – They ask to walk through the home again and suddenly look to me to back their story. Eeeek! What’s a Realtor to do.
This month I have had two sets of couples facing this challenge. Did I choose the wrong home? Does he see something she doesn’t? Is she being too selective? Maybe he has bad taste? As a Realtor, I am capable of remaining neutral, but as a human, I can recognize the pluses and minuses of each side. Must remain objective.
We reenter the home and begin to analyze each room, location, condition, her dislikes and everything he likes. Buying a home is often tied in with an overwhelming “feeling” and that feeling can sometimes go against all criteria originally followed. I have had people looking for brick ranches, but buying vinyl sided 2 story homes. Some people say – “I must have a garage” and buy a home without. The great part of looking at many homes, is initially to decide what you don’t like, until you narrow in what you do like. Buyers will often narrow in further based on their newly revised criteria.
So what to do next if he loves it, and she doesn’t.
Much of the answer lays in their ability to compromise and remain considerate to their partners feelings. This may entail looking at more homes to find something they can both fall in love with, together. Also, they may want to elaborate on their concerns, future goals, current capabilities and how this home meets these criteria.
Taking into consideration…
Once someone finds “The House”, they compare every new house to their most favorite “home”. This also means they may be short-changing future showings by not giving other homes full consideration.
Alternatively, there may be things in “The Home” that the wife may have not considered, and if they had a chance to talk about it more, they may have had a meeting of the minds. Often this ends up being the solution. One either “gives in” on the basis of trust in the relationship, or understands their spouses point of view. He may be a master craftsman and is willing to make all the needed changes she desires.
But what if they just cannot agree?
Time can help. Time can also hurt.
When Time Helps:
The ability to take a step back will give the couple an ability to be more objective. It will also give them time to discuss mutual concerns. If the wife is concerned about the home being on a busy street, and hopes to have kids in the near future, the husband may have not thought about that. The husband however may have liked the layout of the home because it reminds him of the home he grew up in (with 5 brothers and 5 sisters on a busy street) ….Obviously each home and each couple have their unique characteristics that are very specific to them, and only they can find inner peace, a common ground, and mutual decision. This decision should not involve the Realtor because it is personal, and unless I am paying for this house, I remain patient and silent.
When Time May Hurt:
Some properties are more popular than others, and if this homes is subject to a lot of attention it may be swept by another buyer. Should the husband feel that his hopes are quickly vanishing, he may become resentful and not excited about restarting the search right away. Any buyer would be disappointed if the home they “Felt” was about to belong to someone else. As little kids, especially siblings, if you took a toy away from one and gave to another, war is imminent.
Moral of the Story:
Identify your needs “together” in order to remain close and on the same page. Remain objective as to what you need, more so than what you want. The want is easier to achieve depending on price and qualifications, however at the end of the day, if you get what you want, but are missing what you need, you will find yourself moving pretty soon.
Lastly, plan ahead and have confidence in your relationship to rely on each other’s foresight to predict it. I have had home buyers recognize that they are not meant to be together and it took a home purchase to push them to say something. I have had many more home buyers realize how special their relationship is, and how their differences empower their friendship, making them a strong and loving couple.
Good luck on your journey, and if you need any guidance, just give us a call. We’re here to help.